Fire Hydrant's Guide to Atlanta
Hey, don't laugh we are people too you know,
well not really, but we have great stories to tell
about our neighborhood, the city of
Atlanta. Whether it is a fire, a juicy piece of
gossip or simply tourist tidbits, we are there,
nothing gets by us. Sure we are often ignored as we
silently stand and watch and wait. But next
time, have a closer look at us, we have
front row seats to everything that happens in
Atlanta. Gosh, the stories we could tell, some you simply
would never believe, like my grandfather, who lived on the
corner of 13th and Peachtree when the famous author
Margaret Mitchell stepped off the curb and was hit by a
car. Man, he saw the whole thing, he had to break the news
to his brother who lived up the street right outside her
house, he never got over it.
Hey that's me on your right I belong to the yellow hat
hydrants, a breakaway group who have been involved in
an on going feud with the blue hats (little squirts), for
years. I think it all has something to do with location,
location, but no one is talking.
As fire hydrants we aren't really required to do much,
unless there is a fire. We spent most of our days people
watching. And let me tell you not a day goes by when something
crazy doesn't happen down here. You would simply die if
you knew what people get up to in front of me.
Whew. Oh no, honestly, I can't be shocked any more, I've
heard and seen it all.
The days I hate the most is when my personal space is
abused. DO I look like a seat or an ashtray! And to
all you canines, NO I am not a tree! I suppose I should be
grateful, check out what happened to poor old Pete the Parking
Meter, when someone ran out of quarters. I told him to keep his
mouth shut. But did he listen, oh no. Now he is somewhere on
eBay. Oh and lets not forget the poor fate of Marty
the Mail Box. He made one stupid comment about being
off color and boom, he is a friggin piece of art. This is why
us hydrants keep our mouths closed. It's stressful enough just
fitting in as yellow hat!
But the worst days are those fire days. Oh,
when they twist that hose into my chest, let me tell you
it hurts, no one should have to put up with that. Then,
you wait and you wait till from out of nowhere a gush of
water rips through your insides and roars out through your
chest like a freight train. It's enough to pop my hat!
Then, when the flames have been extinguished you feel
the pressure suddenly subside till all you feel
is a little tickle in your chest. Lord have
mercy. But, it's those fire days when I feel the most
important, when my life has meaning, when people actual
notice me. I haven't seen as much action as some hydrants
down on Peachtree, they have their photo in the
Atlanta Journal-Constitution more times than I care to
remember. Me? I am still hoping.
So anyway, I guess you are all wondering how we
hydrants came to have a website ? Well one day I
was chatting to Marty the Mail Box who was having issues at
work. Poor old Marty was concerned about his job, you know with
email and all, he was fearing he may soon be on the
unemployment line. I figured he would be okay because worse
case scenario he could get a job as a hubcap or at
the least an ashtray, but then I thought "what about me?".
What the hell was Harry Hydrant going to do if push came to
shove and I was unemployed. No one recycles hydrants,
especially yellow caps. I knew I had to think fast. I called a
emergency meeting of hydrants, to discuss what alternate skills
base we had in case of unemployment? After much discussion we
concluded, none, zip, nada. Then "Gilbert the Geek" from
outside Georgia Uni suggested we go on the internet,
find ourselves a niche and dominate it. After a hearty laugh we
proceeded to "surf the net". You know between all us hydrants
we couldn't find anything that hadn't been done. Then some
drip, I think it was a green hat, suggested we google ourselves
for a laugh. Well wouldn't you know it, they had us all
figured wrong, hey we aint just "fire plugs"
or "johnny pumps". They made us out to be nothing more
than cold, stuck up, metal objects. We were mortified and
saddened. That was until Suzy Hydrant suggested we set the
record straight and do a web site on the real us and
tell the real stories of Atlanta, fire hydrant
So, to cut a long story short a friend of mine got talking
to a black hat who knew someone in IT and before I
knew it we were cyber hydrants. Who knew! Boy, the manholes of
New York are really peeved, their deal fell through, something
to do with traffic.
This is our story, as told by us. I hope you enjoy our
travel guide to Atlanta.
PS : Click here to Meet The